Happy Halloween bitches! I was out in the world today watching the numerous pedestrians dressed as Sarah Palin..ooo...scary...and I am getting so excited that it's the official night of trick or treat.
My special treat you to is my Halloween episode of Brunch with horror film director Stacie Ponder. If you haven't already seen it then check it out:
This morning I put on a pair of track shorts, an old teeshirt, threw my hair in a messy pony tail and went for a walk. After I was finished I stopped at Starbucks for a grande unsweetened ice coffee (my favorite) and started walking home. I crossed the street and a beautiful african american woman in a suit came up to me and said, "Do you know where there is a Coffee Bean store?"
I responded, "Well, there is a Starbucks right behind us." And shook my cup in the air indicating that's where I purchased my amazing beverage only moment ago.
She said, "Thanks! The reason I stopped you was because I knew you would know since you're gay. And I'm gay too by the way. See you later."
umm...what? She knew I was gay? Did she know I was gay because of my appearance or because I was rockin the Starbucks which is AWESOME and gay people are AWESOME. Basic math would say that AWESOME + AWESOME = Super AWESOME!
I'm still confused by my street meeting but the moral of the story is: I look gay and I'm proud of that.
Whilst checking my emails this morning I cockily drank coffee thinking, "Most functioning human beings can multitask without injuring themselves, so I'll be fine."
But somehow my arm spasmed and my coffee went flying all over my computer, down my chest and stomach and burned the f@*k out of me. My stomach has welts which I'm currently icing with a bag of frozen asparagus and my computer is super pissed off.
The reason I'm writing this blog is because I think it's important to showcase the darker side of being double jointed. Although I'm super flexible and my joints whimsically pop out, I feel pain too.
FIN.
p.s. Try not to puke when you watch the below video.
Whilst flipping through the channels last night I came across the most fascinating show I've ever seen, MY FAKE BABY, on BBC America. MY FAKE BABY is a documentary about women that collect and care for dolls that they treat like real babies.
Here's what the BBC America website says, "Dolls may seem to be just a children's plaything, but a closer look reveals much more. This documentary delves into a small niche of adult women who collect and care for shockingly life-like baby dolls that cost hundreds of dollars. Known as "reborns," some of these dolls have beating hearts and others have tiny veins. They are treated like real babies – with walks in the park, cuddles and regular diaper changes. The documentary follows several women including one who travels to Washington D.C. to pick up the fifth addition to her family of life-like dolls."
I don't even like real babies so I have no idea why anyone would want to spend hundreds of dollars to pretend they have a real baby. This is like buying fake food. Just get real food or no food. That reminds me of when my Nana had fake plastic grapes on the kitchen counter and I would sneak them and chew them and swallow them. Why did I do that? Where were my parents? Why wasn't anyone watching me? Maybe they would have watched me if I cost hundreds of dollars and had a beating heart and tiny veins. Wait...
This weekend I was in Cambria, CA performing at the new annual Women's Weekend. During my standup set, I did my usual kicks, splits and the latest addition to my act--a water dance. (A water dance??? Well, I guess you'll just have to come to a show to know what I'm talking about).
ANYWAY...after the show, comedian Vicki Shaw and I emceed a lingerie competition where I did more kicks, splits and a few back bends. All of these gymnastics seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm having trouble moving. Everything on my body is sore and hurts.
Note to self: Self, even though I think I'm a J LO In-Living-Color Fly Girl I clearly am NOT.
p.s. All the Fly Girls videos have been taken down which I assume is because LJO is hiding them, so the only video I could find is a Fly Girls & Boys combo routine- ENJOY!
Wait... Arthritis Today Magazine??? I had no idea that there were such a magazine. I was so shocked that I took a picture of the magazine's cover with my cell phone (even I'm not exactly sure why I did that) So if any of you have arthritis you don't feel alone because there are many other people out there, so many other people that now there is a magazine dedicated to arthritis's treatment and cure.I just want to give a big THANK YOU to the founders of Arthritis Today Magazine- you are making a difference everyday!
p.s. Why is a lesbian magazine placed in the section with the "health" magazines? I always knew that being a lesbian was good for your health. A boobie a day keeps the doctor away! :)
p.p.s. Wait...did I really say boobie? Apparently I'm 6 years old...
Hi kiddos- yes I'm still 28 years old but not for long.......ANYWAY, I shot an episode of ALL ACCESS PASS with the director/producer of Laughing Matters: Next Gen, Andrea Meyerson. We shot the episode a month ago so I apologize if it's at all dated. We discuss BRUNCH being on Logo, my upcoming gigs and Andrea shows off my baby pictures (that starts at around 17minutes)
Hi guys- Tomorrow is my 29th birthday! But before I exit my 28th year of life, I received an awesome gift: I'm on the cover of CURVE magazine! The November 2008 issue showcases America's funniest lesbians comedians. I ranked #3, Here's the top five:
#1 Ellen #2 Suzanne Westenhoefer #3 ME ??? (how did that happen?) #4 Kate Clinton #5 Dana Goldberg
Months back some of you guys went to Curvemag.com and voted online so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Those with subscriptions to CURVE already have this issue and it will be in stores for the rest of us within a few days. Also the articles will be posted online at Curvemag.com as well.
Once again THANKS guys! I obviously, couldn't do it without you.
My 28th year was the best of my life so far, I started working at Afterellen, got my own talk show on LOGO and life just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what happens when I turn 29!
I'm flying to Seattle this Thursday to attend the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival for the premier of Laughing Matters: Next Gen. *The film festival screening is 30 minutes longer than the LOGO version.
While I'm in Seattle I was asked to perform a 10 minute comedy set at the Sinner Saint Burlesque show on Thursday night. The show looks like a blast!
Here's all the information if you want to attend:
**Sinner Saint Burlesque** Thursday, October 16th Evilyn Sin Claire, Patty Cupcake, Lolita Ta Ta's Valentino and Jenny Penny with Special guest comedian Bridget McManus
Hosted by: Mr. Dane Ballard
Noc Noc 1516 2nd Ave (between Pike and Pine) Seattle, 98101 Doors 9:00pm, Show 9:30pm $10
Last night I rented IRON MAN at Blockbuster and on the way out of the store an elderly homeless woman curled up on the sidewalk sat up to ask me for money. I gave her all the cash that I had on me, $4.37, and then got into my car and cried. This blog isn't about the homeless but when you encounter any homeless people in your neighborhood, town and city please think twice before you turn up your nose at them- they are just trying to survive like the rest of us.
...ANYWAY, I rented IRON MAN, staring Robert Downey Jr., because I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about and I have to say I STILL don't know what all the hoopla is about.
I know the film is based on the MARVEL comic (and I LOVE MARVEL) but I couldn't get past the first 30 minutes of the film before I got pissed and shut it off. IRON MAN is a womanizing billionaire weapons dealer and not the most sympathetic character. Maybe I missed some super-duper rocket stunts or a topless Gwyneth Paltrow because I too hastily shut off the annoying film but I doubt it.
So if you liked or even loved IRON MAN please tell me why?
Hi guys- HAPPY SUNDAY!!! I just sneezed and I HATE sneezing...is that weird? You know what else is weird?... ERIN FOLEY!!! Erin, comedian and contestant on this year's LAST COMIC STANDING is on this week's episode of BRUNCH.
I hate lima beans! I really hate them. I hate their taste, I hate their texture and I even hate the idea of them.
Today I'm home sick with a cold and drowning myself in liquids i.e. orange juice, ginger tea, milkshakes (milkshakes are not doctor recommended - they are Bridget recommended) and lots of soup.
I made myself a can of Chef Wolfgang Pucks' country vegetable soup, and while cuddled up on the couch watching Battlestar Galactica I bit into a HUGE lima bean! GODDAMN YOU WOLFGANG PUCK! I hate lima beans. There was no warning label on the soup can stating their were freakishly gross lima beans enclosed.
Since I was forced to eat them, I decided to look at the situation in a positive way. Below are some of the health benefits of lima beans.
p.s. Wolfgang, you SUCK!
Health Benefits Lima beans are a very good source of cholesterol-lowering fiber, as are most other legumes. In addition to lowering cholesterol, lima beans' high fiber content prevents blood sugar levels from rising too rapidly after a meal, making these beans an especially good choice for individuals with diabetes, insulin resistance or hypoglycemia. When combined with whole grains such as rice, lima beans provide virtually fat-free high quality protein. You may already be familiar with beans' fiber and protein, but this is far from all lima beans have to offer.
Last night, like many of you, I watched the Vice Presidential debate and, like many of you, was hoping that Sarah Palin would crash and burn in front of the entire world yet, she didn't suck it as badly as she could of.
I'm a registered and proud Democrat so my vote is obvious, but last night my own party royally pissed me off. When the follow up question was asked to Biden and Palin "Do you support gay marriage?" both parties said, "No!" Earlier they both said they wouldn't keep gay partners from seeing their loved ones in the hospital (oh that's nice that they will let us watch our partners die in front of our eyes but they still don't "support" us.) Well I don't "support" their straight lifestyle and hypocrisy but I wouldn't dare oppose them from having equal rights.
In the year 2008 why is gay marriage still an issue? We all pay taxes and we should all be treated equally. If a straight couple gets married and has 7 kids why do they get a tax break? I fucking hate kids yet my taxes pay for public schools. I want more from our government! I want gay discrimination to stop!!!
I will be voting NO on Prop 8 to keep gay marriage legal in the state of California. Hopefully this will set an example and more and more states will get on the equality train.
If you live in California make sure you VOTE on November 4th and if you don't live in California please donate to Vote No on 8 Prop Click this link to Donate Now and change history forever for the better. DONATE TO SAVE MARRIAGE FOR ALL
p.s. Have your seen FOX's new moronic show HOLE IN THE WALL? It's the most literal show title in the history of the World. I was very depressed after the debate so I flipped through the channels reviewing the policital commentary when I came across HITW- if it wasn't for that show I might have hung myself.
I didn't think Norah Jones was an actress and then I saw her performance in My Blueberry Nights and I realized I was right- she's NOT an actress.
Here's are 10 other singers that should NEVER EVER act again:
1 Madonna 2 Huey Lewis 3 Madonna 4 Whitney Houston 5 Madonna 6 Jessica Simpson 7 Madonna 8 Mariah Carey 9 Madonna 10 Britney Spears
p.s. I'm not completely heartless to failures that make an effort so if these actor-wanna-bees really want to get it right then they should take Acting 101 from the AMAZING Dolly Parton.
Hi kiddos- I just got back from Switzerland and while I was away my new show, THE JAM, premiered on PEOPLEJAM.COM
THE JAM is a daily self-help show that is posted on top right corner on Peoplejam's homepage. I host and interview experts to find out the best and easiest ways to improve our lives.
Check it out and log in to Peoplejam.com to give feedback if you have time.
i am sitting in the swiss airlines business lounge in geneva waiting to board my plane to new york. i thought i would take a nap and then i noticed a television in the corner of the lounge. i walked over to watch and saw it was an international pool competition. i hate playing pool and i really hate watching others play pool. i just do not understand its appeal. to me it is like watching a game of connect four. (god i love playing connect four- but i would hate to watch other people play) and pool is an official sport right? which makes me ask "what constitutes a sport?" does the ability to sweat physically and or mentally decide its classification.
