Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Do you use the YELLOW PAGES?

Every few months a 2lbs YELLOW PAGES book gets placed outside of my apartment. It just shows up on my doorstep without any warning, possibly brought by Santa's elves. Or maybe Santa's demoted elves.

I can't say that I've ever used a YELLOW PAGES book and thanks to the internet I'm sure I will never use one but does anyone else use the book?

At first I thought,"No, no one uses the YELLOW PAGES!", but then I started thinking about all the elderly people in the middle of the country that might not know how to use the internet or my mother in Connecticut that gets frazzled just checking her email account. Maybe my mom uses the YELLOW PAGES book? And why do I keep capitalizing "YELLOW PAGES"? Ok, I'll stop doing that...

Dear Mr. Demoted Elf,

I don't want the Yellow Pages! I never wanted the Yellow Pages and now because of you I feel pressured to use it or at least dispose of this neon 2lbs eyesore laying outside my front door.

And now feel guilty throwing out this book that I never asked for and I'm guessing was composed of 3 hacked down defenseless trees. It's as if I ordered a chicken caesar salad without the chicken, the waiter messed up and brought me the chicken anyway and then he threw the chicken out after finally realizing that he messed up my order. That chicken died in vain like the trees died in vain. How do you sleep at night you tiny elf bastard?!?!


p.s. Why did I make the bad waiter and the demoted elf both male characters? Does someone have issues?

p.p.s. The answer to the above question is "Yes!"

p.p.p.s. Do you use the Yellow Pages?



Anonymous said...

When it comes to the Yellow pages, I have no use for them, as I too use the Internet. I found this web site that is supposed to let you sign up to "opt-out" of getting the Yellow pages. I'm hoping it works, otherwise my recycle bin is going to be very heavy the day that massive book arrives.

Laura NY said...

hey bridget -

good blog post -- imthey is right, the website she listed let's you opt out, and there's also a petition here you can sign:

But the surest way is to contact the company that distributes your yellow pages (be it Verizon, AT&T, etc.) and just ask them to stop sending you one. I called a few weeks ago, in fact, and they said they'd take my name off. Fingers crossed they do it and save the trees!

The Surprise Dyke said...

I actually do use the yellow pages, but here it is called The Talking Phonebook. I typically check online first, but I wind up digging it out of the drawer far too often because a lot of our local places don't have websites-can you believe that!?!? I guess that's what happens when you live out in the middle of the country.

A. said...

Well, yes, I use the Yellow Pages...but more to prop up a wobbly couch!


yMarie said...

Surprisingly, I do use the YELLOW PAGES. Only because I feel guilty.
The same thing happened to me with double copies of the phone book. I guess every year they update and hand them out to everyone! In my opinion, they should ask people before handing them out, because I know people who throw them out. In January we got our new phone book, then not even 3 weeks later there was another phone book at my door! And that's not the worse part. The worse part is that they give a big one that weighs at least 5 pounds, and then a tiny version of it.
I know, it doesn't make sense.
And it wasn't just me that got the second set of phone books. My whole block got them.
Anyways! I felt bad about throwing out the first set, because you're right, those are poor trees that are being cut down for an apparent no good reason. So I decided to take this set of tissue paper books in and use them.

They also make good for throwing across the room on a big spider crawling around. One shot, one kill. Yeah, they're good.


Eva said...

I don't use them but I work at a nature center and I would say once a week some elderly retired person walks in and asks us for our Yellow Pages. They're hooked on the Yellow Pages like crack around here.

Lainey said...

I'm so with you on this issue Bridget - what a TOTAL WASTE!!! I got mine the other day & thought the same thing! I have a huge soft spot for the elderly. So, yea maybe they would use it. If that's the case, then there should be a phone number they could call to order the YELLOW PAGES, instead of sending them out to most who will NEVER USE IT AGAIN!!!! DUH....

My guess - the decision to send them out was made by a MALE!

Angela said...

of course! what else would we in middle america with craptastic computers that can barely function on the interwebs do?!?!

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