Every few months a 2lbs YELLOW PAGES book gets placed outside of my apartment. It just shows up on my doorstep without any warning, possibly brought by Santa's elves. Or maybe Santa's demoted elves.
I can't say that I've ever used a YELLOW PAGES book and thanks to the internet I'm sure I will never use one but does anyone else use the book?
At first I thought,"No, no one uses the YELLOW PAGES!", but then I started thinking about all the elderly people in the middle of the country that might not know how to use the internet or my mother in Connecticut that gets frazzled just checking her email account. Maybe my mom uses the YELLOW PAGES book? And why do I keep capitalizing "YELLOW PAGES"? Ok, I'll stop doing that...
Dear Mr. Demoted Elf,
I don't want the Yellow Pages! I never wanted the Yellow Pages and now because of you I feel pressured to use it or at least dispose of this neon 2lbs eyesore laying outside my front door.
And now feel guilty throwing out this book that I never asked for and I'm guessing was composed of 3 hacked down defenseless trees. It's as if I ordered a chicken caesar salad without the chicken, the waiter messed up and brought me the chicken anyway and then he threw the chicken out after finally realizing that he messed up my order. That chicken died in vain like the trees died in vain. How do you sleep at night you tiny elf bastard?!?!
p.s. Why did I make the bad waiter and the demoted elf both male characters? Does someone have issues?
p.p.s. The answer to the above question is "Yes!"
p.p.p.s. Do you use the Yellow Pages?