Yesterday I flew to New York my home away from home and like everything else someone put retarded in the water. I checked in online last night and I thought the airport "rules" required that you check in 30 minutes before a flight. Apparently, if you are checking baggage the airport requires you to check them in 45 minutes before the flight. Whoops! 35 minutes before the flight I handed the airport worker my bag and was told I couldn't bring my baggage on the plane because there was no time to check it. I looked at my enormous bag and I knew there was no way this piece of luggage could be a carry on. So I batted my eyes and got my bag taken away to the plane (well I hope that's where it's going). Then I had to sign a waiver saying if my bag was lost then it was my own damn fault. The form actually had the word "damn" on it. I felt like I was 7 years old being scolded by my mom.
I raced threw check in and while my bag was being X-rayed I saw the x-ray screener person push all the bags down the conveyer belt causing a pile up of gray bins. My computer, which was quietly resting in it's own plastic tray was suddenly catapulted into the air. It was a Jerry Bruckheimer moment with slow motion action and an explosion of light (at least in my head). I believe my computer is okay since I'm using it to write this blog. I'll let you know later if I have to take her off life support (and of course my computer is a girl...duh!)
After I coddled my laptop I realized I only had 12 minutes before my plane took off without me. I during the chaos I left my bad-ass cowboy belt at the xray machine.
R.I.P. super cool cowboy belt R.I.P.
I made the flight (I guess you knew that since the first sentence I wrote was "I flew to New York). At 9:50AM the flight attendant, Judy, asked if I would be "lunching" on the plane and I responded "Sure!"
The lunch choice was chicken (still stuck to it's skeleton and rotting on a plate) with asparagus OR pasta with tomatoes and mushrooms (I'm allergic to tomatoes and mushrooms remind me of something very inappropriate that I won't go into) But between the two I had to chose the pasta since I'm a vegetarian.
At 10:02 there was a plate of pasta on my fold-out table. Ummmm... I'm Italian so I'm use to pasta and all but not at 10AM! Am I wrong here? I asked Judy if I could wait and have it later and she said "Nope. Have it now or not have it at all." I had a flashback to Schindler's list and I'm the girl in the little red coat choking on pasta at fucking 10AM.
I'll write more when more chaos ensues.