Friday, May 16, 2008

Flying, Bridget style.

Yesterday I flew to New York my home away from home and like everything else someone put retarded in the water. I checked in online last night and I thought the airport "rules" required that you check in 30 minutes before a flight. Apparently, if you are checking baggage the airport requires you to check them in 45 minutes before the flight. Whoops! 35 minutes before the flight I handed the airport worker my bag and was told I couldn't bring my baggage on the plane because there was no time to check it. I looked at my enormous bag and I knew there was no way this piece of luggage could be a carry on. So I batted my eyes and got my bag taken away to the plane (well I hope that's where it's going). Then I had to sign a waiver saying if my bag was lost then it was my own damn fault. The form actually had the word "damn" on it. I felt like I was 7 years old being scolded by my mom.

I raced threw check in and while my bag was being X-rayed I saw the x-ray screener person push all the bags down the conveyer belt causing a pile up of gray bins. My computer, which was quietly resting in it's own plastic tray was suddenly catapulted into the air. It was a Jerry Bruckheimer moment with slow motion action and an explosion of light (at least in my head). I believe my computer is okay since I'm using it to write this blog. I'll let you know later if I have to take her off life support (and of course my computer is a girl...duh!)

After I coddled my laptop I realized I only had 12 minutes before my plane took off without me. I during the chaos I left my bad-ass cowboy belt at the xray machine.
R.I.P. super cool cowboy belt R.I.P.

I made the flight (I guess you knew that since the first sentence I wrote was "I flew to New York). At 9:50AM the flight attendant, Judy, asked if I would be "lunching" on the plane and I responded "Sure!"

The lunch choice was chicken (still stuck to it's skeleton and rotting on a plate) with asparagus OR pasta with tomatoes and mushrooms (I'm allergic to tomatoes and mushrooms remind me of something very inappropriate that I won't go into) But between the two I had to chose the pasta since I'm a vegetarian.

At 10:02 there was a plate of pasta on my fold-out table. Ummmm... I'm Italian so I'm use to pasta and all but not at 10AM! Am I wrong here? I asked Judy if I could wait and have it later and she said "Nope. Have it now or not have it at all." I had a flashback to Schindler's list and I'm the girl in the little red coat choking on pasta at fucking 10AM.

I'll write more when more chaos ensues.



Claudia said...

lol, airport security sucks...
and airlines always have weird times for meals, I know, I once was served breakfast at 5 am and lunch at 11 on the same flight!

Natazzz said...

I hate it when they put retarded in the water *snigger*.

Bridget, what can you eat?

TheWeyrd1 said... must have been on a really long flight, hopefully to somewhere fun! Invite me next time!

I agree with natazzz...what does Bridget eat. I can't be a vegetarian. First off, I really like grilled meats! Second, I'm technically allergic to beans and my naturopath doesn't want me eating vegetables from the nightshade family which happen to be my favorites (tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, etc.). I'd starve.