Sunday, September 14, 2008

PEOPLE MAGAZINE is the Pyscho Ex-Girlfriend of Magazines

Four years ago, I ordered a People Magazine subscription. I enjoyed the magazine but after I saw HER I knew it was time to move on. I'm talking about the sexy Entertainment Weekly. EW was hipper, less gossipy yet snarky and had real purpose. But this isn't about my new love, it's about the magazine that knows no limits when attempting to get what it wants.

So I did it...I ended it with People Magazine. It wasn't anything dramatic. I didn't just call it off. I waited until my subscription was up, but People must have known something was going on. One month before my People subscription ended, I started receiving these "renew now" flyers. First it was once a week, then they showed up daily, and then the emails and phone calls started.

The staff at People magazine just didn't want me to leave.

People Rep: "I noticed you didn't renew People and I'd like to make you a discounted offer but you must renew now."

I knew in my heart of heart that if I did this, if I renewed, it would be like walking down the aisle to be unhappily joined to this magazine for life. So I took a stand and said, "No."

After the People stopped showing up in my mailbox, I still received flyers and emails telling me "it would extend it's offer to renew at a discounted rate but d I have to act immediately."

I have moved twice since my original subscription and yesterday when I checked my PO mailbox I noticed that they found me again.........

So once and for all here's my "Dear John" letter to People Magazine (a.k.a. the pyscho ex-girlfriend of all magazines)

September 14, 2008

Dear People Magazine,

I'm writing you as my last attempt to get you to understand that I no longer want or need you in my life. I have tried to let you go on the best of terms but you have no boundaries.

Stay away from me, stay away from my family or else I will obtain a restraining order.


p.s. Ellen and Portia's wedding spread was lovely and your cover looks glossier than ever! Have you been working out?


Julia said...

I'm currently breaking off my relationship with Glamour... not that I'm not glamour anymore, but i feel that i am no longer able to read every month stories about how to please your boyfriend, know your boyfriend deepest thoughts or even which eyeliner is better between chanel and estee lauder(i can't afford it so what's the point)

On the other hand, I made a friend from NYC go buy me the Portia and Ellen's wedding People edition and I, too, noticed the glossy cover!! It looked way cheaper when I lived in the US!

I guess People moved on too ;-)

The Surprise Dyke said...

I might need to copy your "Dear John" letter and send it to the magazine that won't leave me alone. I canceled my subscription over two years ago, and I moved a year ago, yet they found me after 6 months at my new place and started to send me postcards offering to restart my subscription. If that wasn't bad enough they also send me postcards for other publications in their company.

JaggyL said...

The Portia and Ellen spread really was lovely. I was going to buy that issue, and I noticed it was $13.99. Because of air freight. WTF. Sometimes I forget we're kind of isolated here in NZ. It's not like we're a third world country. I don't get how we can have three Starbucks' on one street but we have to pay $13.99 for an American magazine?

pyewacket said...

Ha! I cannot believe what you wrote about People Magazine and comparing it to Entertainment Weekly! I have felt the same way and said practically the same thing when I started my EW subscription that I plan on keeping. I got so tired of and am so over seeing some celeb scratch themselves as they head out of Starbucks with a ciggie hanging out of their mouth...latte in hand. That is not my idea of what I buy a magazine for!

TheWeyrd1 said...

SNICKER...that was good!