Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Racing Through The Holidays

Yesterday I walked into a grocery store and noticed a new addition to the dairy section: numerous cartons of eggnog staring me down. I immediately started to tear up. My tears weren’t sentimental for the upcoming holiday season. No, the tears were caused by my fear of the future.

If eggnog is here for the holidays, than there goes 2009.

Every year department stores and advertisers race through the last quarter of the year, and as soon as Halloween hits a Target store then comes Thanksgiving, then Christmas/Hanukkah /Kwanzaa and then New Years. 2010 is right around the corner. Then, before you know it, it’s 2012, the year that the Mayan’s claimed would mark the end of the world.

So this eggnog is not normal eggnog, it symbolizes the end of the world! Who knew eggs and nutmeg could be so deadly?

If the Apocalypse is approaching then there are many things I still have to do before it’s all over:

#1 Lose 5 pounds.
#2 “Experience” the Red Light District in Amsterdam.
#3 Make more money than, well, anyone else!

As you can see my goals are totally obtainable, if I only had more time!

This racing clock is causing me extreme anxiety and forcing me to direct my anger at inanimate dairy products.

Many people enjoy watching the leaves in their yard change color and the festive holiday lights strung up all over town but for me I find it all depressing. Once the holidays are over then I have to start all over again in the New Year. A New Year brings new responsibilities. I’ll have to make lists, set goals, and commit to a New Years resolution that I won’t stick to.

Damn it eggnog, why are you holding a mirror to my face and calling me a liar!

I shouldn’t waste any more time writing this blog because things need to be done and Oprah needs to go down…that’s what she said.


AlainAspect said...

That was downright depressing and uplifting all at the same time. But I don't believe that anyone can tell the future...even eggnog. But thanks for invoking the gloom and doom holiday spirit! If I can just "make it thru December!"

TheWeyrd1 said...

It's just wrong that the eggnog is already on the shelves...along with all the other Christmas stuff. Why is it wrong? Because, all this commercialism completely obscures Thanksgiving!!! Thanksgiving is becoming the holiday that wasn't. Squeezed out by Halloween candy and Christmas STUFF...sigh. Can't Thanksgiving just have November to itself???