Monday, December 10, 2007

Inappropriate Movie Review

As a comedian I find myself thinking with a comedy mind all the time. I constantly make jokes and sometimes not at the best moments.
Growing up I was kicked out of class, religious ceremonies and almost didn't get to perform on stage with Bill Cosby in New York- all because I made inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times.

Example: My high school teacher was in a bad mood and yelled at the class: "Does anyone have any questions?" I raised my hand and responded "How big is the pole up your ass?" I was just trying to cut the tension- it didn't work.

Last night I saw the film the Golden Compass-


I sat through the 2 hour film and enjoyed certain parts of it (especially the fight scene between the two polar bears- final knock out is INSANE!!!)

As the film came to the end there were many elements that had no closure and suddenly the credits rolled. This film is based on a book series and no one told me! And now I have to wait a few years, pay more money and sit through another film to finally get some answers. I turned to my friend and told her I had blue-balls from the film. It was if I was ready to have a big "O" and then the film got up to use the bathroom and I was left sitting there with my burning loins (haha "loins" - just typing that word made me laugh)

While exiting the film my friend ran into a woman that she knew and she asked me what my take on the film was- To which I responded "The film gave me blue-balls." The woman had no idea what I was talking about so I elaborated "It's like the film and I were fucking and I was ready to have an orgasm and the film got up and walked out of the room leaving me alone and unsatisfied". Now she understood what I meant and stared at me in silence. She turned to my friend, kissed her on the cheek and walked away. Apparently, that was my friend's mormon boss. The woman didn't really want to hear my review she was just asking out of formality.

Oopsy Poopsy!



mega said...

what? don't mormons have orgasms? I thought it was a nice review!
Now I have to think twice before I go and see this movie. My ex already demanded I have to see it with her... hmm.. decisions decisions...

Ellen said...

Great movie review. The computer generated stuff in the preview looked fake and it turned me off from seeing it. But "blue balls" seals the deal. Thanks.