Friday, August 15, 2008

The Best Worst Movie I've Seen in a Long Long Time

The Best Worst Movie I've Seen in a Long Long Time Award goes to.... SHOOT 'EM UP

With a title like "Shoot 'Em Up, why wouldn't this action packed gun wielding Monica Bellucci lactating movie be a winner? Well, I'm so glad you asked because I'll tell you why! But please note the worst parts of this movie are also the best parts of the movie.

This movie sucks and is awesome...
because Clive Owen shot guns and stabbed people to death with carrots.
because Monica Bellucci prostituted herself to buy a cameo bullet proof vest for a baby.
because Paul Giamatti felt up a dead woman.
because there was a pivotal chase scene involving a merry-go-round.
because the word "pussy" was used A LOT...even for me...(Page Hurwitz)
because Clive and Mon Mon won a gun fight while having sex.
because in the first minute of the movie a guy threatens to give a c-section to an awake pregnant woman with a dagger.
because Clive taught an infant how to use a gun.
because Pauly was the "bad guy", yet in real life Paul would get winded walking to his mailbox.
because after jumping out of a plane there was a fight scene in the air.
because after discussing a still born birth Clive and Mon Mon "got it on".
because the writing was so laughable that I now have to share it with others. Like this witty banter:
Mr. Smith You want to know the difference between this luxury car and a porcupine?
DQ: I give up.
Mr. Smith:With the car, the prick's on the inside.

I don't want to spoil this must see flick. Seriously go to Blockbuster IMMEDIATELY and rent this movie. It is terribly amazing and makes me want to stab someone in the eye with a carrot.

shoot 'em up 2


Lisa said...

I agree! Except I don't give it quite as much credit as you do! I found it truly painful to sit all the way through this movie. Though for some odd reason I did! And then regreted the waste of time. Also, I really felt sorry for Clive Owen for making such a piss poor movie! That is not one you want on your resume! But hey? It may anger vegetarians everywhere! No offense! HaHa! I eat my veggies 2. I just don't use them as a mode of defense!

Terr said...

That is truly INSANE.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure about seeing it - it's like "I know who killed me"; fun in theory because it's so terrible you have to see it with a bunch of friends, but when you do see it you get all pissed and angry and you wish you had more booze ...

chan said...

So i actually loved this movie, though i know it is a very bad one...

Emma said...

I saw this movie for the first time a month and a half ago. It was the most ridiculous hour and a half of my life.

A friend recommended I watch it for shits and giggles so I immediately called her after the first carrot incident and asked "why does clive owen like to stab people in the eye with carrots?" and she answered "because it's fucking hilarious."

&it was so yea, I agree Bridge, it's one of the best worst movies I've seen in a while.

Anonymous said...

God bless gratuitous violence.

Thanks to this movie, i now have a rather creepy/stalkerish crush on Monica Belluci (J/k.....sorta....)