$400 Wednesday

This Wednesday was so frustrating for me that I had to wait two days before writing about it.

My cousin Jessica is in town and I'm showing her the sites (a.k.a. every gay place I know- I love to recruit the ladies) Anyway, I have an office in Beverly Hills and I stopped in to grab the mail and left my cousin in the car parked in a red zone with the flashers on (red zones apparently mean it's only for the devil)

Literally, in the 45 seconds that I ran to grab the mail a meter maid pulled up and started writing me a ticket. I came out and said my flashers were on and my cousin's in the car and not to worry because we were just leaving.

He said "Miss, getting your mail is NOT an emergency!" That is so sad and so true. It wasn't an emergency but I freaked out and told the meter maid to shut up and just give me the ticket- I should have gotten arrested for yelling but my rant scared him and he just printed the $70 ticket and ran away. I honestly thought about putting my car in reverse and running him over but Jessica really wanted to go to the beach and if I got arrested it would delay our trip.

So with my $70 ticket I drove to the beach. We parked at the Santa Monica Pier to see the ferris wheel and put our feet in the freezing water. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone and realized it was missing. I looked down the beach and saw it laying in the sand and then watched a wave cover it and take it into the sea.

I had 500 + phone numbers with A list industry people due to my film job and my cell phone drifted away into the water. A little girl ran in after it and gathered it up like a sea shell and took off in the other direction. I ran after her and she gave it back to me after I pleaded with her (little bitch)

My cell phone died in my arms that day on the beach.

RIP Motorola
9/10/07-2/27/08 (yes I only had this phone for 5 months because I broke my other phone on the set of a Home Depot commercial this fall)

Obviously, you can't survive without cell phones anymore so I ran to AT&T to buy a new one but since I resigned my plan this fall to get my last replacement phone that I got a huge discount on- I now didn't qualify for another discount so I had to buy the phone at retail price. The cheapest one in stock was $269 and after taxes came to $291- fucking awesome!

Before my day started I was in the hole $361. Wednesday is my new favorite day of the week.

Bridget

Iggy the iguana hating iguana

On cnn.com today there is a story about Iggy, a pet iguana who swallowed an toy iguana. The little boy that owns Iggy feed the toy iguana to him. The news is calling Iggy a "cannibal" but I don't blame Iggy- I blame his idiot child owner who gave him the toy in the first place. Iggy survived thanks to a 24hour vet that removed the toy.

When I was a kid I owned a hamster named Peanut. I rarely played with Peanut because he use to bite me. (I would have bit me too) When I did take Peanut out of his cage I would put him in a rolley ball and spin him around until he got sick. At the time I didn't realize I was torturing Peanut- I was just a kid playing with my "toy" pet.

I propose that you have to be at least 10 years old or older to own a pet - OR the pets should be armed with weapons so they can fight back against there underage owners.

Click this link of you want to watch the story: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/02/25/nc.iguana.swallows.toy.wfmy

KILLER ELMO

I should be working but instead I'm playing around online. On cnn.com today there was a story of a 2 year boy old obsessed with Elmo (shocking, I know). His mother bought him a talking Elmo doll and when she replaced the batteries the Elmo started to say death threats- specifically "KILL JAMES!"

This Elmo is linked to a computer and learns names and catch phrases-apparently violent ones. The mother called Fisher Price and they weren't concerned when she told them about the evil doll and more importantly that her 2 year old started to repeat the murderous phrase (I bet the mother is going to try and sue for child-trama or some other bullshit)

The family kept the Elmo doll because it's the child's favorite. Fisher Price has offered to give them a voucher to replace the doll but as of now they are satisfied keeping it and putting it in high places so the child can't access it.

So what's the fucking point of keeping it? Replace the damn doll, take the batteries out or just throw it away! OR give it to me! I would love to have a creepy doll to cuddle at night that says "KILL JAMES" repeatedly. When I was a kid I had Simon...damn that was a good game.

I think the most important thing we should all focus on is:
Where's is James?
Is he ok?
Has Elmo and his thugs gotten to him already?

Here's a link to the story:
http://www.cnn.com/video//video/us/2008/02/22/delaney.death.threat.elmo.cnn

The Presidents are jealous of ME today

Happy President's Day all! I'm working as usual so no holiday for me. For those of you who don't know- I work with a film producer on several movies. Our film Wanted (starring Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy) is in post production and comes to theaters in June. Today I'm at Fox attending a scoring session with Wanted's composer Danny Elfman. It is INSANE and one of the coolest experiences of my life.
There are about 75 people involved in today's session including the orchestra. The orchestra is sitting in a huge room with a glass window facing the booth where all the producers and crew are. I feel so overwhelmed by the music that once the violins started to play I got teary. I'm such a pussy.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday.

Bridget

p.s. Did you know that the United States celebrates Lincoln and Washington's birthdays together on Presidents Day because years ago the South didn't want to recognize Lincoln's birthday independently since they lost the Civil War? (sore racist losers)

p.s.s. If you live in the South don't send me hate mail- I'm not talking about you I'm talking about your deceased racists ancestors.

BRUNCH WITH BRIDGET Episode 7

Hi guys- BWB Episode 7 has been posted on afterellen.com. This week's guest is the lovely Courtney Jackson from IN Magazine. We celebrate Valentines Day in what I call- Trainwreck Love.

Click the below link to watch it.

http://www.afterellen.com/blog/sarahwarn/brunch-with-bridget-video-blog-7

The Bank is out of MONEY?

I went to the bank today for the sole purpose of getting a roll of quarter to do laundry. (When am I going to be successful enough where I have my own washer & dryer?.. I disgree..)

I waited in line for 15 minutes -got up to the bank-teller and she told me they were out of quarters.

ummmm....what? How can the "bank" be out of quarters?
That's where the quarters are- AT THE BANK! That's their home base! That's where they live, sleep and breathe their little metal lives away.

Obviously, I was shocked, confused and heartbroken. If you have seen any quarters please return them to the Washington Mutual Bank located on Crescent Heights and Sunset Blvd- they are lost and probably scared so approach them with caution and return them to their home.
------------------------------
3 Things in life that should be FREE

# 1 Quarters- so you can do laundry at your leisure

# 2 Coffee

# 3 Tampons

--------------------------------
Come home baby come home...

How much do you LOVE potato chips?

To keep up Valentines' Day's the theme of "Love" I have asked the important question: How much do you LOVE potato chips? I'm not much of a "salt" person- I prefer sugar sugar sugar.

But a 10 year old boy in Dillon County, South Carolina LOVES potato chips -so much that when his 9 year old sister wouldn't share her bag with him he went inside the house and got his father's loaded shot gun and shot her in the face.

Damn those much have been BBQ style! The 9 year old is still alive and has undergone extensive plastic surgery (probably because she was shot in the fucking face by her fucking asshole brother)

The parents of the children say the little boy loves his sister but he was just not taking his medication for hyperactivity. ummm... how do you define "love"?

Oh did I mention that the boy had pulled the gun on his cousin in the past- but don't worry it wasn't loaded that time.

I hope we all find love as deep as this little boy's love for potato chips.

Love, Bridget

p.s. Don't have guns in the house!

p.s.s. Don't have LOADED guns in the house!

p.s.s.s. Don't have guns at all!

p.s.s.s.s. Don't have children!

Here's the cnn.com video http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2008/02/14/burkett.sc.child.shot.wbtw

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

LOVE,

BRAD PITT AND HIS PENIS

Love is Love

Today on msn.com there was an article about Tony Randall’s now 36-year-old widow, Heather. She was insisting that her marriage to her 84-year-old husband (who died in 2004) was legitimate and she’s not a gold digger.

At Tony’s death he was 50 years older than his wife whom he met when she was 20 years old while interning at his theater in New York. Now I don’t know Heather personally (obviously) so who am I to judge her relationships?

I remember how I joined the negativity parade making fun of Anna Nicole Smith when she married billionaire J. Howard Marshall who was 63 years her senior. But when Demi Moore and Ashton Kusher married many applauded (myself included) because May/ December romances are mostly publicized when it’s an older male and much younger female. Guess who’s a hypocrite? ☺

As a gay person I hope that future gay people have full acceptance from society on who they chose to love- so I shouldn’t be judging others for their choices. As long as everyone is a consenting adult and is with the person they want to be with than we should all be supportive.

So I dedicate this blog to all the young women in the world who want to suck on old men’s wrinkled balls- Go for it ladies!!! I support you!

Because I sure don’t want to go anywhere near their balls.

Mickey Mouse Club

My friend Lauren is in town from San Francisco and tonight we went out to eat with all her 22 year old friends. I always forget that Lauren is 22 which makes her a "fetus" friend- anyone under 25 is dubbed fetus in my world- sorry I'm an ageist.

I dragged the Mickey Mouse Club to an Italian restaurant in Marina Del Rey. As we looked over the menu one of Lauren's friend said:

"If this is an Italian restaurant than why is the menu in Spanish?"

To which I responded:

"The menu is in Italian. Italian and Spanish are similar."

I thought she was kidding but she wasn't. That's it- that's the end. I just wanted to share.

Bridget

p.s. I really do love people under 25 years old- as long as they are smart. :)

Apparently I'm bad at math.

Last week I posted a blog about getting a $40 parking ticket while I was trying to avoid a $2 parking charge while returning an $11 pair of tights.

I was so annoyed about the ticket that I put it in my car to deal with later.

Later became this morning. I thought my $40 parking ticket was funny but when I went to write the check I realized the ticket wasn't for $40 it was for $70! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! Was my "crime" really worth $70? I was in the mall for 9 minutes- so each minute cost me $7.77.

My jeep is worth is only worth about $70! (that's not true- I LOVE my jeep)

I'm going to use the "Secret" and will myself a $70 cup of coffee. (that's an inside joke to those who have watched the Secret dvd- although it's not really funny)

p.s. If you're a meter-maid punch yourself in the face and get a new job.

Here's my post from last week in case you care...

$2

Last Friday I bought a pair of $11 black tights for the 3 Way Premiere. When I went to get ready for the party I noticed the tights were torn within the package.

Today I finally went back to the Beverly Center to return the tights but I didn't want to pay $2 for parking in their lot. (why pay $2 when I'm only getting $11 back?)

I ended up driving around for 15 minutes to find a local parking meter and put in $.35 to save some cash. Winston was in the car so I ran in and out of the mall in 9 minutes. (yes I timed it because I'm a dork)

When I returned to my car there was a $39 parking ticket on my car.

Apparently the parking signs said:

2 Hour Parking from 9am-4pm
No Parking from 4pm-7pm...and of course it was 4:07pm. (why didn't I notice that sign?)

In summary by returning my $11 tights to save $2 on parking it cost me $39.35.

:)

Bridget

Voting is a Privilege

It's 4:30pm PST- the East Coast voters only have a little time to get to their voting polls and I encourage them to do so. Being able to vote is a HUGE privilege - some other countries don't allow their citizens to vote.

Please make the effort. Vote for who YOU think will best represent you and your needs. If you are not registered to vote make sure you go to the post office or DMV and fill out the paperwork so you are able to vote in the Presidential election in the fall.

I went to my voting place today and it smelled like rotten period- it was seriously the nastiest thing in the entire world yet I sucked it up because as an US citizen over the age of 18 it's my duty to vote in EVERY election. Voting matters people!

Ok I'm done preaching.

Bridget

p.s. the voting poll really smelled bad- it was disturbing...

p.s.s. I would NEVER date someone that didn't vote.

p.s.s.s. God Bless America Motherfuckers!!!

RADIO INTERVIEW ON SIRIUS

Tomorrow morning (TUESDAY 2/5/08) I'll be on The Frank DeCaro Show with hosts Doria Biddle and JD. (I'll be on from 9:15am-10am PST)

LOGO's BIG GAY SKETCH SHOW will also be on the show.

To listen go to Sirius Channel 109. Or listen online at www.siriusoutq.com
Also you can call in with your questions at 866-305-6887

I hope I'm allowed to swear. :)

HYUNDAI

I just watched a commercial for Hyundai and it was highlighting their newest selling point: RAIN DECTING WINDSHIELD WIPERS

ummmm.... do we really need this? If you're driving and it's starts to rain and you can't tell- maybe you shouldn't be driving.

Also, how hard is it to turn on your own wipers? Are people injuring themselves trying to switch the wipers on?

I just don't understand why we are so lazy? Excuse me, I have to go look for the tv remote because getting up to switch the tv manually would be too much effort.

Bridget :)

I'm a Sore Loser- literally.

Yesterday my boyfriend Tom Brady and the Patriots lost the SuperBowl (I'm distraught too) I watched the game with my new group of friends and cheered on the Pats. I had Tom's number "12" painted on my face with red frosting and I proudly showed off my Tom Brady finger puppet (it's a little blue king with a crown on his head- since Tom is the King of Quarterbacks).

In the first quarter Jill Bennett and her team of NY Gianta thugs tore my little Tom Brady puppet away from me and beat my ass. Seriously, it was 5 against one. Today I am covered in bruises but I did get some good swings in and bit someone- I hope I drew blood.

In the end the Pats lost and after I got little Tom Brady back into my arms his little crown was partly torn. There will be revenge!

Fancy Dinner

My friend Lauren in San Francisco went out to a fancy smancy dinner with her sister tonight. When she got home she called me to brag about the fabulous meal. She said and I quote:

"The food was amazing. I am so full. And the best part is I'm not puking and shitting"

I don't understand why she told me that but it reiterates that Im the classiest person in my group of friends.

To all those who read this I hope you are NOT puking and shitting either.

Love,
Bridget