Kindergarten Killer

Lately I've been trying to be positive about life but as I lay on the couch today with the flu I read an article on cnn.com about a man who walked into a kindergarten with a kitchen cleaver and hacked to death 7 children and 2 adults. The man then returned home and committed suicide and officials have no idea why he did this.

This so terrible but what is worse is that this is the fourth attack on school children in China in the last month. On April 30, a man injured five preschool children with a hammer before setting himself on fire in a classroom suicide. The man held two children in his arms while he doused himself with gasoline but teachers pried the children away before he caught fire.

How can people be so awful to one another?

I miss my Big-Wheels

When I was a kid I had a Big-Wheels, known as the "King of the Sidewalk for 40 Years!" I use to ride that pink and blue masterpiece back in forth between driveways in the neighborhood and almost got hit by a car many times. Most of my riding memories end with my mother running out of the house screaming, "Watch out!" and then having a car swerve and just miss me. Wait, why didn't my mom take my Big-Wheels away the first time that happened?

Maybe she took out a baby insurance policy on me?....

Anyway, now a days kids have bigger and better toys than ever before. BEHOLD: The Mercedes 2 Seater made for 3 year olds +. For only $499.99 (before taxes) you can get your very own high-end faux German automobile with built in radio and chrome front grill (seriously?). This "toy" goes 5 miles per hour (umm that's kinda fast) and carries up to 132 lbs. If your 3 year old weighs 132 lbs you need to take them on Oprah.

I am so disturbed by this mini luxury car, not only because it's nicer than my Jeep but because the maker is encouraging these kids to take their toy off-roading. WHAT? Does this car require insurance and annual smog checks too?

I miss my Big-Wheels...




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"Inmate Hides Gun In Fat Layers"

In Houston, Texas, a 600 pound man hid a 9mm handgun and 2 clips while in police custody. How did he do it? Well, he wedged the weapon between his layers of fat of course!

At the age of 13 I weighed 200 lbs and had my share of layers of fat but obviously nothing as impressive as this gun smuggler. If I could go back in time to my chunky days (which I wouldn't want to do) there are only two things I'd need lodged between my skin for emergencies.

#1. My cell phone charger. I always misplace it but if it's actually physically on me I'll be all set.

#2. Maple syrup. Everything takes better with maple syrup and you never know when you might need it.


The man was released from jail on bond and the Houston Police Department is considering changing the way they search morbidly obese inmates. Umm, you think?

Luckily no one was hurt, except the gun's pride.

Gun in Fat

What's WRONG with People? Part 2

It's not secret that I'm not a big fan of children. I don't hate them I just don't want them for myself because raising a child is, I believe, is the biggest responsibility in the entire world! People shouldn't take having children lightly and when they do I want to punch them in the face.

Sadly, there was another story on cnn.com today about a woman who "didn't know she was pregnant" (really?) and suddenly gave birth into a toilet. The woman then left the newborn in the waste tank covered in a blue antibacterial chemical agent. The baby is in stable condition but I'm sure it will be traumatize for life knowing it was literally thrown away upon arrival into this world. The woman has been charged but she might be too stupid to know that's a bad thing.

Dear straight people-

Please don't have sex and have babies if you don't really want them. And if you're too stupid to know you're pregnant then you should kill yourself because there is no use for you in society.

Love,
Bridget

p.s. I don't usually pray but I will pray for that baby....and a black porsche.

Toilet baby

US Weekly makes me fear for our future.

First off I must say I LOVE US WEEKLY MAGAZINE! I know it's a trashy ragmag but I thoroughly enjoy visiting its website daily. That said, I'm know I'm part of the problem and hinder the solution.

Today, while looking thru the ridiculous gossip blurbs and the "who wore it better" charts, I noticed a poll allowing readers to vote on which of the new Jolie-Pitt twins (Knox or Viv) are cuter.

ummmm....WTF? Have we no decency? So let me get this straight, by voting on this heartless poll the readers are going to give these kids an infant uncute complex?

I'm not going to even show you the poll results (it's a close race but one baby is 3% ahead of the other one)

We are monsters!

p.s. I will check back with USMAGAZINE.COM tomorrow to see how the poll is fairing. Purely for research purposes only.

p.p.s. VIVA LA KNOX! (I love an underdog)

Too soon?

I'm currently watching some QVC network and Montel Williams is selling Barack Obama Presidential coins. And if you act now and purchase 10 sets of coins they are going at a bargain rate of $179.95 + shipping....it's a historic limited time offer, not available in stores.

ummm....WTF?

Isn't it too soon to release Presidential coins since Obama hasn't even been sworn into office yet? Montel said the coins were released the day before the election..before the election? Maybe Montel Williams is a time traveler and rigged the election so his coin sales would sky rocket!

If I was a time traveler I would go back to Nazi Germany and shoot Hilter in the head and then sell dead Hilter coins for a whopping $1.00 + wheat toast with veggie cream cheese.

I LOVE VEGGIE CREAM CHEESE!!!

p.s. I wouldn't really be able to shoot Hilter in the head because I'm a pansy and hate weapons. Instead I would give Hilter a stern talking to, surrender him to the authories and hope someone else would shoot him so my coin sales wouldn't be negatively affected.